just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
