It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
