I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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