you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
