True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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