I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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