Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
