i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i came on her dog
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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