you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want her autograph on my taint
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
