It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
