Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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