Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
