im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
