drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
