I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
