Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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