Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
