I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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