I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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