I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
