i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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