i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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