I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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