Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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