Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I forget how to act sober
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