planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He has the fingertips of a God
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