Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
