Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
