dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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