well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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