It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
