I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
