Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
