Plan B is the new Plan A
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
