that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i think my mom watched the whole time
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
