I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
