dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
