You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
