I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
