just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
