I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
