The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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