well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
