Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
