I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
