whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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