I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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