Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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