I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
