I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
where are you?
Hypothermia
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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