There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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