never play flip cup with pint glasses
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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