They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love having hate sex.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
